I think those trans folks who have the emotional energy to debate with TERFs should feel free to do so. But I don’t think any trans folks, trans women in particular, should feel obligated to engage with those who deny our authenticity and existence. It’s not like everyone can just “choose not to be offended” or triggered by the deliberate hate these people are inflicting.
Since even in a perfect world we trans folks will always be outnumbered by cis folks, it is vital that our cis allies — real allies, not people who just want to claim that badge without doing the work — step up to shut down TERFs whenever they spread their hatred and lies. Real feminists need to let TERFs know that there’s nothing radical nor feminist about excluding, misgendering, deadnaming, or doxxing trans women.