Member-only story
Five years in transition
Does it get better?
Five years ago today, I announced my new name and non-binary gender identity to the world. While there have been many milestones in my gender transition, my nameday is the most significant, as its timing and execution were entirely under my own control. The medical and legal interventions would come later, but neither of those impacted or represented who I was inside — a revelation that took me until middle age to discover.
Choosing a new name was of great importance and significance to me. I wanted a name that was both gender-neutral and personally meaningful. Unlike many trans people, I changed my entire name — first, middle, and last:
Pax is Latin for peace.
Ahimsa is Sanskrit for “do no harm”.
Gethen is a fictional planet of androgynes from Ursula K. Le Guin’s book The Left Hand of Darkness.
I would have made Ahimsa my first name, but I knew it would be difficult to spell and pronounce. I didn’t think Pax would be problematic in either of those respects, but soon found that unless I enunciate very clearly, people often think I’m saying “Max” or “Pat”. I’ve taken to immediately spelling the name and flashing a peace sign so that people get it.
It took some time for folks to get used to my new name, of course. But five years on, the only people who intentionally deadname me are those who are bent on harassing me, like the sociopath who stalked me online for months.
One of my regrets was not insisting on “singular they” pronouns from the start of my transition. At first I tried to make it easier on friends and acquaintances by saying that no change in pronouns was necessary, but hinted that I didn’t really want to be referred to as “she” anymore. I soon learned that people would not stop calling me “she” unless I insisted on it.
So a few weeks after my transition announcement, I started requesting “they”, but said “he” (and associated terms like Sir/Mister) was also acceptable. I’m…
